So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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