if i can run in heels then i can drive
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
