I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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