Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize