I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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