I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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