omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
