i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
