you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
