I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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