rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
