also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
