Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
