make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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