you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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