I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
