Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
