I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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