I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
