my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
