The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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