Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
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You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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