Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
