trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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