stop calling my apartment porn island.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize