one might say we're banned from that church
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
