Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
