The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
