if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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