Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
