I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
