You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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