3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
