i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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