I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
