I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
