I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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