I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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