I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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