I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
