We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
