Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize