I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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