Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
