My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
