I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
