In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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