never play flip cup with pint glasses
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
