This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
