I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize