Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
