My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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