I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
