I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
