My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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