Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
