Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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