No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish you could order shots online.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
