He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
