Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
