do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
