what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
