Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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