I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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