First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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